We’d like to present y’all with some excerpts from OTO U.S. Deputy National Grand Master General Lon Milo DuQuette’s THE DEVIL’S DICTIONARY (as originally posted on his FB page)
Chapter Seven
BIBLICAL NAMES OF GOD (in no particular order)
Jehovah:
English spelling of the German pronunciation of Yod Heh Vav Heh, a Hebrew name of Deity which is so Holy it must never be pronounced. Pronounced ‘Jaw-Hove-ah’ by most literate and semi-literate English-speaking people.
Yaway:
English spelling of a piercingly irritating nasal attempt to pronounce the word (Yod Heh Vav Heh) a Hebrew name of Deity that is so Holy it must never be pronounced. Pronounced ‘Yaw-way’ by most literate and semi-literate English-speaking people.
Adonai:
English spelling of a Hebrew word which Jews may utter and which they use to replace (Yod Heh Vav Heh) a Hebrew name of Deity that is so Holy it must never be pronounced. Pronounced ‘Gawd’ by most literate and pious semi-literate English-speaking peoples, and incorrectly and irritatingly pronounced ‘Yaw-way’ by rural Americans and Christian televangelists who wish they were country music stars.
Elohim:
English spelling of a Hebrew word which Jews may utter to designate the duel-gender plural name of the group of deities who created heaven, earth, and humankind in Genesis;
Pronounced ‘Gawd’ in English, and comparable singular nouns in the vernacular of virtually all the world’s worshipers of a single male deity who remain at a loss to explain why the first thing the Holy Scriptures tell us is that we were created by a team of female goddesses and male gods — a fact that is completely irrelevant and beyond the comprehension of rural Americans and Christian televangelists who wish they were country music stars, and who incorrectly and irritatingly pronounce Elohim ‘Yaw-way’.
Jehovah Elohim:
English spelling of two Hebrew words one of which Jews may utter to designate Deity who “…formed Adam from the dust of the earth…” in Genesis 2: 7. Pronounced ‘Ado-naw-ee Aye-low-heem’ by Jews, and ‘Lowred Gawd’ by most literate and pious semi-literate English-speaking peoples. It is incorrectly and irritatingly pronounced ‘Yaw-way’ by rural Americans and Christian televangelists who wish they were country music stars.
Shadday El:
English spelling of a Hebrew name of Deity that can be spoken. Pronounced ‘Awl-mite-tee Gawd’ by most literate and pious semi-literate English-speaking peoples, it is incorrectly and irritatingly pronounced ‘Awl-mite-tee Yaw-way’ by rural Americans and Christian televangelists who wish they were country music stars.
El
The most pure and basic name of Deity. Pronounced ‘Gawd’ by most literate and pious semi-literate English-speaking peoples, it is incorrectly and irritatingly pronounced ‘Yaw-way’ by rural Americans and Christian televangelists who wish they were country music stars.
Elion El
The Deity of the city-state of Salem, whose priest king was Melchizedek first blessed Abraham. Pronounced ‘Mowst Hye Gawd’ by most literate and pious semi-literate English-speaking peoples, it is incorrectly and irritatingly pronounced ‘Yaw-way’ by rural Americans and Christian televangelists who wish they were country music stars.
Tetragrammaton:
Latin sounding word used to replace the Hebrew name of Deity (Yod Heh Vav Hey) which is so holy it must never be pronounced. Pronounced ‘Tetra-gram-ma-ton’ by virtually everyone on earth except rural Americans and Christian televangelists who wish they were country music stars, who, because they are unable to articulate five syllable words, find the word completely unpronounceable thereby rendering it ineffable.
Keep up with all Lon’s doings at https://www.facebook.com/lonmilo
