In a 580-person study of predominantly gay men by researchers Justin J. Lehmiller, David Ley, and Dan Savage (yes, the writer of Savage Love) learned that gay men who acted on cuckolding fantasies reported mostly positive experiences. The study was reported in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, noting, “the likelihood of reporting positive outcomes appears to depend upon one’s personality and attachment style.” The article abstract observes, “Most notably, interracial and BDSM themes do not appear to be as common in gay men’s cuckolding fantasies as they are among heterosexual men.”
Ian Kerner, a licensed licensed psychotherapist and sexuality counselor in New York City writes about the study for CNN, saying:
References to cuckolding appear in literature as early as the 13th century, usually in the form of male characters who fear that their child has been sired by another man during an act of infidelity. Today, however, cuckolding has become fetishized into a powerful sexual fantasy for some men, who get aroused by the idea of their romantic partner engaging in sexual activity with someone else. Women also share this fantasy, but less so than men.
The research team suggests taking things slow, using clear and honest communication. In his CNN article, Kerner adds that not everyone should necessarily act on their fantasies, reminding readers that sometimes just sharing a sexy thought can be enough to get partners going. It’s worth noting that safer sex practices are always a good idea.
Learn more:
- Archives of Sexual Behavior: The Psychology of Gay Men’s Cuckolding Fantasies
- CNN: Cuckolding can be positive for some couples, study says
- The Conversation: From the 16th-century to men’s rights activists, why ‘cuckold’ is the worst thing you can call a man
